he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
