Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You don't make any sense
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