she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
