I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
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