at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
