i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
