u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
