not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
