Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
