just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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