I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
