In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
