he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
