I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
