Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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