in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
