Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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