ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
