"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
