Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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