Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
What a dumb baby whore.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
