hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
