I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
