No stitches, just platelets and will power
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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