isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
