I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
