I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
