he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
