awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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