OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
