it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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