Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
