3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
