Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
he just fucked me for my cheese..
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
