My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
