Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
