I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
