i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
