Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
