those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
do nipples grow back?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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