so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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