you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
