i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
