I can't breathe out the right side of my face
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
