So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
