SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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