He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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