just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
