Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
