She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
