Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
