the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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