I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
