I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
