he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
