My liver just broke up with me...
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
