your room smells of hookers.
And success
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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