You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
