Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
