u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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